G-Strings, Thongs, Blogs, Oh My! Read online

  G-Strings, Thongs, Blogs, Oh My!

  by

  Desiree Day

  PUBLISHED BY:

  Desiree Day

  G-Strings, Thongs, Blogs, Oh My!

  Copyright 2011 by Desiree Day

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously and are not to be construed as real. Any resemblance to actual events, locations, organizations, or person, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

  CHAPTER 1

  Garrett Henlon powered on his laptop, popped the top on a beer and settled into a chair. A few minutes later he was logged onto his Internet blog: Sexcapades of a Brotha.

  He glanced down at his Rottweiler, Baby. “Who would’ve thought I’d still be writing this stuff and not get caught?” he asked himself then chuckled. “People are so dumb; I get over one hundred thousand hits a day and people still haven’t put two and two together. Oh well, let me tell everybody about my latest victim.”

  His fingers skated over the keys as he silently thanked his mom for forcing him to take typing in high school.

  Hey y’all it’s me, the horny brotha. Yo! Let me tell y’all what went down earlier today. I met this model type chick this morning, that’s right, I said it, this morning at the gas station. She was fine, not Halle Berry fine, not Beyonce fine, but Rihanna gorgeous. The girl was so beautiful that my dick turned into a homing device. Naw you read that right not a hoeing device but a homing device, it pointed straight at her and wouldn’t go down. So y’all know what’s up—I had to do something.

  So I did my new guy in town routine on her. I wasn’t sure it would work, because I hadn’t used it in a while. I know what you all are thinking, why didn’t I just step to her and tell her that I wanted to fuck her? I could’ve and under normal circumstances I would’ve. But she was looking pissed, I mean mad enough to cut a dude’s balls if he as so much looked at her sideways, so I knew that I had to switch up my game. And I’m glad I did. Once I fumbled my way into her life, I immediately fumbled my way right into her thongs.

  It was so easy; all I had to do was tell her what she wanted to hear. Ladies don’t hate me for what I’m about to say, because I’ve already said it a million times. Y’all make it so easy for men. Y’all talk to men like you’re talking to your girlfriends. We don’t want to hear that shit, especially from someone we just met. All we have to do is smile and nod at the right spots and you think we are freakin’ Einstein.

  As fine as she was, her house was dirty, filthy dirty. I mean I was scared to even sit down, I was afraid that I might catch something. I didn’t know if she had carpeting or hardwood floors. Dirty clothes covered the floors, half empty plates of food were all over the place, some of them had enough mold growing on them that they looked like condos for bacteria. I ain’t looking to get sick, so I posted her ass up against the wall. That’s right; I wasn’t going to get on her nasty bed or floor. And you know what, she didn’t even care, that’s how I roll. On a scale of one to ten, I’d give her a four, she was fine and everything, but she was boring as hell. While I sexed her she was as stiff as an ironing board and quiet. Hell, all she had to do was make a sound, let me know that she was alive. I knew that it wasn’t me, ‘cause I’m always on my game. After ten minutes, I thought fuck it and got my nut.

  She already called and texted me. Y’all know my rule, no more contact after a fuck session. I mean come on, the most personal question we asked each other was: Do you like to fuck with the blinds open or close? She doesn’t know me and I don’t know her. And I don’t know what makes her think that I want to see her again. I’ve seen all, and I do mean all, of her that I wanted.

  Don’t forget I’m meeting the contest winner tonight. Check me out tomorrow and I’ll give you guys the dirt. That’s right, ‘cause I’m sure we’ll get down and dirty. Peace!

  Garrett nudged Baby. “I bet they think I’m an asshole.” Baby yawned and rolled over, he had heard it all before. “I got to meet the contest winner.” As soon as he started his infamous contest, he dreaded it. At the time, it sounded like a fun and easy way to get a willing piece of ass. All the winner had to do was list ten freaky things he had done with women. A regular reader of his blog would know.

  He pulled up the winner’s picture. It was so blurry that it looked as though a fifty-year-old alcoholic had taken it. All he could make out was that she was a delectable chocolate hued, petite woman, mid-twentyish, with a Kim Kardashian type ass. He squinted, trying to make out the features of her face. “Damn, it’s too late to ask for a better pic. If she’s a dog, no offense,” he said to Baby. “I’ll bounce right after the appetizers, if she’s cute, we’ll hang out. Either way, I’ll get another blog entry.”

  “I’m looking for a new job. The assignment that I’m on ends this week,” Jada Lowry readjusted her bluetooth ear piece. “I hate these things,” she mumbled before continuing her job search on her laptop. “Have me looking like a character from Star Trek.” She was sitting in her favorite coffee shop. A couple of blocks from her apartment, it was her second home. All the employees knew her name and her favorite drink. She had lucked up and gotten a table. At eight o’clock at night it was packed.

  “I don’t know why you can’t be like everybody else and get a real nine to five,” her best friend Mandy complained. “You’ll have benefits, security and a regular paycheck.”

  Jada scoffed. “Yeah and you might as well stick me inside a giant cookie cutter, because that’s all I’ll be…one big mold of everybody else. A part of a group of people who look, think and talk the same way, just like the Stepford Wives. This way I can get up when I want, work when I want, and play when I want.”

  “I guess you feel like working next week, huh?” Mandy teased. “That’s why I hear your fingers breaking the keypad?”

  “Ha! Ha!” she replied sarcastically. “I’m looking for an assignment because I want to go to Florida at the end of the month. I hear the beach calling me.”

  “South Beach?” Mandy asked her voice wistful.

  “Yep!” Jada crowed. “See, if I had the regular gig, with all that security you like to talk about, I wouldn’t have the flexibility to do this.”

  “Oh shut up, bitch!” Mandy said, laughing.

  “Green eyes aren’t pretty on you,” Jada teased.

  “I wish I had your luck. You go through life without a plan. You live paycheck to paycheck and your life has about as much organization as a kindergarten classroom, but you always get what you want.”

  Jada snorted. “Trust me it’s not luck. It’s Karma. I’m very good to the universe and in return it shows me much love.”

  “That’s a bunch of bull and you know it.”

  “Nu uh!”

  “Give me an example,” Mandy challenged.

  “I have the perfect one. Yesterday at my latest assignment, this chick named Lauren needed help creating a PowerPoint presentation for the VP of finance. Now this bitch has been acting funky to me all week. I didn’t do anything to her. I promise. Anyway the whole department knew about her beef with me and everybody was surprised when I volunteered to help her, because they all were gonna let her butt sink, because nobody likes her. Anyway the VP walks by her desk and sees me helping her. And he was so surprised that I helped her and happy with the presentation, that he gave me two tickets to the Hawks game.”

  “But that makes sense; because he saw you do it, so he was a nice guy who had to reward you.”

  “Yeah, but who put him at that exact spot at that precise time so that he could see me? So, I ask you again, who made him walk by at that very moment?” Jada asked, then answered herself before Mandy could respon
d. “The universe.”

  “Whatevah. You’re still crazy. I gotta go. See you later this week?”

  “Sure will. Love ya!” They clicked off and Jada resumed her job search while tuning out the sounds of the coffee shop.

  Garrett sauntered into the café. He pulled the picture out of his back pocket and glanced at it before perusing the crowd. His gaze fell on Jada. He squinted at the picture for the hundredth time. “This has to be her. She kinda looks like the picture,” he muttered. He sliced through the tables, making his way over to Jada.

  He stuck his hand out. “Hey whassup? I’m Garrett, from Sexcapades of a Brotha.”

  “What?” Jada absent-mindedly asked, as she pulled her gaze away from her laptop.

  “Garrett from Sexcapades of a Brotha,” he repeated impatiently.

  “Oh hi, nice to meet you,” Jada answered before returning her attention to her computer screen. Her gaze didn’t waver until she heard the scraping sound of a chair being pulled out. She looked up just as Garrett plopped down in the seat across from her. She smiled. All the other tables were full and it was common for customers to share tables.

  What the fuck! “Excuse me, but I’m Garrett from Sexcapades of a Brotha.”

  Jada rolled her eyes. “Okay you said that like three times already. Is that supposed to mean something to me? Okay you’re Barry from escapades of a dude. I got it.”

  “Garrett from Sexcapades of a Brotha,” he mumbled, realizing that he had made a mistake. Then: “Hey, I’m sorry. I thought you were somebody else.”

  “Obviously,” Jada snapped. Garrett stood up. “Wait, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be so curt. I’m not usually like this. It’s just that I’m looking for a temporary assignment, the one I’m on ends this week.” Garrett remained standing, unsure of what to do. “Sit down. Please,” Jada said softly.

  “I’m sorry, I can sit somewhere else while I wait.” He and Jada quickly studied the room and found all the tables still full.

  Jada grinned up at him. “It looks like you’re stuck with me. Sit down, it’s okay…for real,” she reassured him. “I’ll be nice.”

  “Cool, I’ll be right back, let me get something to drink,” Garrett said before racing off to the counter.

  Garrett placed his order for a coffee. While waiting, he watched Jada work on her laptop. “How stupid can you be? Picking up the wrong broad? Man you’re slipping,” he mumbled to himself. He pulled the folded paper from his back pocket and studied it. Jada had shoulder length ginger hued dreadlocks, smooth chocolately skin and luscious lips, slicked with gloss. He stared at her full lips and imagined them wrapped around his dick, he hardened. He shifted uncomfortably.

  Garrett picked up his drink and headed towards the condiments bar. Not my type, but I bet she’s a freak in the bed. The geeky ones usually are. He perused the shop one last time. I guess the winner got scared. He shrugged before retracing his steps to Jada’s table.

  Jada had been surreptitiously watching Garrett while he ordered his drink, then at the condiments bar. Garrett was the total opposite of the type of men she usually dated. He was too handsome for her taste, gorgeous really, way too pretty. Everything about him screamed player, from his perfect haircut, tailored clothes and leather shoes, which she abhorred. She hastily resumed her job search when she saw him heading in her direction.

  “So what kind of job you’re looking for?” he asked as soon as he got settled.

  “Anything.”

  Garrett blinked. “Anything?” A million scenarios raced through his head.

  “Anything. I’ve been a short order cook, secretary, receptionist, dog walker—”

  “So you’re a Jill of all trades?”

  “Pretty much,” Jada answered with a chuckle.

  “It’s good to be versatile, but won’t it be more profitable to be an expert in one area?”

  “Who says I’m not an expert in my areas? Besides, the name of the game today is to diversify. Everybody got at least two gigs. I know a lot of people who got a side hustle in addition to their full-time job. That way if they lose one at least they have the other one to fall back on.”

  “True, true. So what’s your full-time gig?”

  “Don’t have one. Well let me rephrase that, I have regular dog walking customers. And I have people that I shop for at least once a week.”

  Garrett eyed Jada’s outfit. She looked like she had played paint ball and had forgotten to wear her protective gear. Her thigh skimming purple denim skirt easily clashed with her green, pink and orange tie-dyed T-shirt which hung loosely on her. “Clothes shopping?”

  Jada rolled her eyes. “No. Not clothes shopping. But I could shop for other people’s clothing if I wanted to. I have a style that I get a lot of compliments on.” She stared pointedly at his outfit. It looked like he had ripped a page from GQ and copied the outfit exactly right down to the intentionally exposed hem of his button down. “I don’t need a magazine to dress me.”

  “Neither do I,” Garrett answered, as he conveniently ignored the fact that an ex-lover of his, who happened to be a stylist to many of Atlanta’s celebrities, had taken him shopping and personally handpicked many of his outfits, including the one he had on.

  “Oh, okay,” Jada nonchalantly replied before returning to her computer.

  “You sound like you don’t believe me,” Garrett said, stung by her dismissal.

  Jada peeked up at him. “Does it matter?” she asked before resuming her job search.

  “I guess not,” Garrett mumbled, then took a sip of his now lukewarm drink. Ignoring Jada, he skimmed the shop for the winner of his contest. He didn’t see anyone resembling her, but his eyes stopped on a hottie sitting in the corner. Jada peeped up from her computer just in time to see Garrett wink at the lady. Her eyes were back on the keyboard by the time he decided to focus his attention back on her.

  Garrett studied Jada. His gaze started at the top of her head, from her dreadlocks, to her rhinestone embellished flip flops. Despite her clothes and obvious disdain for makeup, she was cute, in the girl next door kind of way, Garrett decided. “So do you want to hang out sometime?” he casually asked.

  Jada shook her head. “I’m sorry, but I don’t have time.”

  “What? You just said that you don’t work full time. And that you had so much free time on your hands.”

  “Yeah,” Jada said slowly. “But I plan on taking a trip at the end of the month.”

  “I’m talking about one date…one evening, not a life-long commitment.”

  “I’m sorry, I really don’t have the time,” she insisted.

  “Tell me the truth…whassup?”

  “You’re not my type,” Jada answered bluntly.

  Garrett’s eyes narrowed. “What did you say?”

  Jada fixed him with a steady gaze. “You’re too materialistic, I don’t think you’re spiritual, I’m a vegan, you’re not, and I just don’t believe that you can settle for one woman. And men like you look at monogamy as though it’s some type of disease.”

  Garrett sat back in his chair stunned, she had described him to a T. He quickly composed himself. “Where did you get all that? You just met me. You don’t know me,” he bluffed.

  “I listen. I’m a very good listener. Some people have a tendency to talk but aren’t really saying anything. All they’re doing is spewing a bunch of bullshit, just so they could hear their voices.”

  “So what didn’t I say?” Garrett asked, annoyance tinting his words.

  “Everything that I just mentioned,” Jada said slowly as if she was talking to a four-year-old.

  “Your deductions aren’t true,” Garrett lied.

  “Whatever…and I don’t think I’m your type,” Jada said.

  “I don’t have a type,” Garrett answered.

  “Sure you do. You can’t keep your eyes off the lady sitting across the room. She looks like she’s 36-24-36, she’s dripping in the latest fashions and look like she just stepped off a magazine cover. Don�
�t deny it. You like what you like, there’s nothing wrong with that.”

  Garrett cut his eyes at the lady, he did plan on stopping by her table before he left so that he could slip her his business card.

  Jada brought her cup of tea to her mouth, draining it to the last drop. “I guess it’s time for a refill.”

  “What are you drinking?”

  “Green tea.”

  “Let me get it for you,” Garrett offered, feeling like he had a point to prove.

  “No!” Jada protested. “You don’t have to.”

  “As a thank you. For letting me sit here and talking your ear off. I know that I’m interrupting your job search.”

  “Well…”

  Garrett stood up. “Green tea. I’m on it.” Let the seduction begin. He grinned as he made his way back to the counter.

  CHAPTER 2

  Hey, Sexcapades of a Brotha I need your help, very badly. I’m a female who goes both ways, but lately I’ve been going more toward the right than the left. Meaning I’m finding myself more attracted to men. That normally wouldn’t be a problem, but my long-time partner, my lover, my other half lives with me. And I don’t know what to do, because I really don’t want to hurt her. Should I tell her how I feel? Should I just ignore my feelings hoping they’ll pass? Or should I just say fuck it and take care of me?